We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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