Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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