You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
