the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
