So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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