I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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