I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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