Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
