last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
