Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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