drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
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I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
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I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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