The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
