I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
