Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
