I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
