Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
