Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
