the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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