So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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