i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
