remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
