i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
