we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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