if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This baby is an asshole
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
