Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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