yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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