cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
