Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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