She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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