Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
