My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
