Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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