don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
