yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
