Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my poor anus
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
