3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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