I need to stop coming to work sober
I cut my penus on the lid.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
