i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
