i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
