Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i want to fuck
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it's pretty self explanatory
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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