What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
