I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
