Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
