she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
