I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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