Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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