Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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