I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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