Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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