Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
