im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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