You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
