ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
