she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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