I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
