I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
