I wish my penis had an off switch
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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