and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
