lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
