You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can vaginas get frostbite?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
