He disabled his match.com account in front of me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
