I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
