Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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