so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
