I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
