At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Fuck appropriateness.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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