I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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