Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
