3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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