Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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