I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
