I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
