On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
