There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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