well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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