I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
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I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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