soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
