gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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