My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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