Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
