I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
