I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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