I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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